Gifts

So, a couple weeks ago, I wrote a piece for a local shop. They had asked for moms to write about non-material gifts that we had received from our child(ren), along with gifts we’d like to give them.

I don’t think mine was ever published, but I wanted to share it anyway!

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I began “protecting” my son Jett the moment I found out I was pregnant. The excitement of “We’re pregnant!” soon shifted to the panic of “Oh no… Exactly HOW many glasses of wine have I had in the past couple weeks?!” After that came many (MANY) other concerns. My husband and friends may have giggled when I asked the Mafiaoza’s server if the cheese on my pizza was pasteurized; I just felt I was doing my duty as a concerned and diligent mom-to-be.

In the four months since he was born, new concerns (Obsessions?) have naturally arisen… From worries about grocery store germs to the amount of spit up (How can a baby so small spit up SO much?!), and from obsessing over every lump and bump in his body to even asking for no bourbon-soaked cherries on my sundae because of the possible traces of alcohol ending up in my breast milk (Okay, maybe that one was a little crazy…) - There always seems to be something to worry about.

I know I’m a little OCD about things, but the point is that I worry because I have never experienced such a love before, nor have I ever had such an amazing and important responsibility. Love is what drives my obsesions, fears and worries.

And this love for my baby has caused me to think about the fact that everyone is someone’s baby. For everyone out there, there is a mom (or dad, or aunt, or grandfather) who has loved them, at least at one point in their life, with the same all-consuming love that I have for my son. Realizing this has given me a new sense of compassion for people… The annoying grammar-correcting person on the elevator, the homeless guy digging through the garbage behind my office, the Facebook “friend” who irks me with his incessant right-wing (and many times non-factual) posts… They are all somebody’s baby. And knowing how I want everyone to treat my baby, I know that I also have to treat these people (the other babies) the same.

I realize that this is so simple… And something we should already feel for others. I don’t feel like I was a completely heartless person before Jett was born (Hopefully I wasn’t!) - I guess things just takes on a new meaning when you hold that precious baby in your arms the first time.

So, this is the best gift Jett has given me so far… There have been many gifts he’s given me, in these four months that have flown by so quickly, but compassion is one of the best things the little bald guy with the toothless grin has given me. How a teeny baby can give a gift so big, I have no clue, but I am eternally grateful. And I’m sure this is just the first in the line of many gifts yet to come.

The gift I’d most like to give Jett is for him to grow into his own person, despite his crazy “protective” mother. I hope and pray that I can walk the (seemingly thin) line between being involved and overbearing so that he can discover who he is and thrive as an individual. As long as I’m not the mom who “pops in” to “observe” his class every week, hopefully I can. And one thing I’ve learned (from Jett) about the best gifts is that they require no words. In order to give this gift to my son, I must live it, not merely talk about it.

I just hope the gifts I give him carry a even a fraction of the meaning of the gifts he has already given to me.